


Vent Fic

by CheetahLeopard2



Series: Your favs have Psychosis [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: CAPTAIN SQUAD, M/M, Psychosis, Psychotic Oikawa Tooru, reset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 09:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15458727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheetahLeopard2/pseuds/CheetahLeopard2
Summary: Oikawa-sama 1:02 am:I think I’m going to start blocking people irl close to me.Become that ghost againI blocked Iwa-chan





	Vent Fic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [8The_Great_Perhaps8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/8The_Great_Perhaps8/gifts), [surveycorpsjean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/surveycorpsjean/gifts), [cherrykirsch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrykirsch/gifts), [CalicoPudding](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalicoPudding/gifts), [putyournamehere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/putyournamehere/gifts), [meowkittykenma (azumarheart)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/azumarheart/gifts).



> This was me last night
> 
> I've since talked it out with my friend and I'm taking steps to be less emotionally dependent on him and I feel great.  
> Anyone struggling I'm here for you ily 
> 
> My tumblrs are: @cheetahleopard @avienwrites
> 
> I'm gifting this to the people who've written works in here that helped me specifically with mental stuff. There'll be happier fics with psychosis I'll gift to y'all I swear

**> discordapp.com**

**> Captains Coalesce **

**> Debression**

**Oikawa-sama 1:02 am:**

I think I’m going to start blocking people irl close to me.

Become that ghost again

I blocked Iwa-chan

 

**> Tumblr.com**

I’m going to become a ghost again.

#I already blocked Hajime #discord and phone #Ha I bet he won’t even notice for a while

 

\---

Oikawa Tooru doesn’t want this.

He doesn’t want to feel like he’s on the edge of a precipice. One breath away from drowning. In the mouth of the lion.

He’s been getting better. 

He’s not sure he wants to. He just wants to fall. To have a breakdown. To dissociate enough to forget his own name.

But he can’t.

Because he’s been getting better.

He takes his pills correctly, he doesn’t do drugs or alcohol, he stopped overworking himself the moment they said the knee brace is permanent, he doesn’t self harm anymore.

He still isn’t good enough. Not good enough that he can take a job, not good enough to not have mini breaks every few weeks, not good enough to escape the edge.

His mini breakdowns mainly consist of him talking himself out of relapsing with self harm and messaging damaging people, ignoring homework, and leaving the group chat.

He’s never,  _ ever,  _ blocked Hajime before.

Hajime’s been there for him his whole life. 

But right now that’s the problem. Tooru needs a refresh button, like the hospital was for him last year. 

The hospital had cost a fortune, though, even though most of it was covered with insurance.

And he doesn’t feel unsafe tonight. He feels floaty. He feels like he’s slipping. 

But he knows he’s not slipping  _ enough _ . Not enough for a break down.

He’s ready to be left. Ready to move onto a college where no one will know him and no one will have the chance to. Ready to become a figure, one no one knows intimately but who everyone wants to be close to. Ready to flirt around but not sleep with or date anyone. Ready to become insubstantial, a concept. 

He’s ready to be the one with no close real life personal attachments, ready to be content with the online friendships he has. The one know one truly knows except for a select few who have no way of meeting up with him.

He’s ready to be miserable, drowning as an image stuck in people’s minds.

Right now that’s all he wants.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Have a great rest of the summer and good luck with school/work/surviving!!!! 
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT


End file.
